There are still times I snap back into old habits, and find myself wondering if I’ll ever fully overcome them.

There are still times that despite meditating, going to therapy, journaling, you name it, I still get caught in thought loops that feel so hard to escape.

But despite all of this, I continue to work on my growth, on my healing.

Because no matter the hard times, I know that doing the work works.

I know it because there’s more space.  Where once I believed I was my thoughts, there’s now space.  I understand now that no matter how convincing the thoughts can sometimes be, that they’re just past conditioning playing out in my present.  And then they soften their grip.  And in the moments that I’m really lucky, I feel the presence of Self take the place of my thoughts.

Because there’s more freedom.  Even when I feel fear, I know it’s just that: fear.  I witness it.  I accept its presence.  And then I choose to move forward anyway.  One. Step. At. A. Time.

Because there’s more self love.  Even for the parts of myself that feel too icky to love. ESPECIALLY for the parts of myself that feel too icky to love.  Because I know those are the parts of me that are screaming for my acceptance.  And so I face them.  And I find compassion.  And I offer them the love I couldn’t find for them before.

Because there’s more presence.  Where once I was “too busy” to slow down for fear of missing a beat, there is now room for celebration.  There’s time to put down my phone and be so present with Smidgen who is just looking for me to be with her.  There’s time to LITERALLY stop and smell the flowers - no matter how weird the people on the street think I am 😂.
Because there’s more joy.  More burst-out laughter.  More remembering not to take myself so seriously all the time.  

Because there’s more compassion.  Less judgment.  More love for others, for their Souls - no matter how “their human” is being.  I can see past it now.  I never could before.

It’s definitely a journey - I won’t pretend that sometimes, no matter how much healing work we do, some days just feel hard.

But I know it’s worth it.  Because even with all of its challenges, there is so much more beauty, so much more depth, so much more meeting our Selves.